Some of the comments I’ve been reading on the blogs of a couple of my favorite blog pals really give me pause. Such generalizations of how awful every man’s life must be who has chosen to reconcile with his wife. I’m simply speechless.
Not every wife is a screaming banshee that wishes to torture the man she loves…though he strayed and blew a big hole in her idea of love and trust. Some of us are able to deal with things rationally (most of the time), and try to learn what our contribution was to making the marriage such that our husbands chose to cheat rather than do the hard work of repairing/reinvigorating the marital relationship.
Not all wives are evil, mean, torturing bitches…just as not all OW are scheming, homewrecking whores. And not all MM are serial cake-eating, nasty liars. See how the generalizations can paint very ugly pictures of people that are as varied and as individual as say…everyone on this blogsite? Sheesh, people….the folks you had the affairs with were asses. And when the jig was up, they went home. They had as many reasons to remain married as you had to have a relationship with someone you knew was married.
Why does the wife get painted as…pathetic….evil….unattractive…unloving? Of course, she is painting you with the exact same broad strokes. Because she doesn’t KNOW you. And to know that you wish these people’s lives to be a living hell, no matter that there are innocent children involved… is so very sad.
Why can’t we all admit that WE made mistakes….as affair partners, as cheating spouses, as the spouse who was cheated on….we all made mistakes that led to these messes! I KNOW I did things that I should have done differently, those that have cheated should have done the hard thing and either worked on their marriage, or ended it before starting another relationship…and those affair partners, who went into a relationship with a married person with eyes wide open, need to take responsibility for their own bad judgement…and release the ‘other’ people involved in these triangles. We are all guilty of bad judgement….why do we want to punish or inflict pain on anyone else?
The OW in my sitch was mean, she did her very best to hurt me and my daughter…and after my husband left and moved in with her….she made his life a living hell. She was clingy, insecure, irrational….but she wrote blogs about how dreamily happy they were…while he was sleeping on the couch, and even spending nights in his shop. He’s home, and she tries still (after 3+ years) to get him to reestablish contact. I wish she would move to….Australia, and find the man of her dreams and live happily ever after. And leave my husband alone. I really don’t want her miserable, or hurting, or broken…although there was a time that I did. I’d like to not think of her, ever again. That’s my goal.
My husband seems genuinely happy to be home. We are happy. Our relationship is better than ever, continually improving and still healing. His relationship with our daughter is renewed. Are things perfect? Well, of course not. Two imperfect people cannot have a perfect relationship. If you had ‘won’ your affair partner, do you think things would have been perfect? You know better!
My husband and I have been together 20 years. Is sex ‘movie sex’? Nope. Not on your life. But oh….back in the day ;o) We were ‘porn movie’ sex, ‘romantic movie’ sex and ‘epic movie’ sex….depending on the day and the mood….and sometimes all three lol! We were hot, and had it going on! Can it ever be that again, after 20 years….with 46 year old bodies, rather than 26 year old bodies. We shall see! It might not be as often, or as consistent…but I think we can pull up a good movie scene way on into the future!
I’ve been reading TV Explorer and Misfit Mistress’s blogs for quite a while, even when I’m not actively blogging…and I guess all the negativity and blaming just really got to me tonight. I’ve been working my ass off for 5 years to learn to be a better wife and partner, to be forgiving and loving, to create an atmosphere in our home where my husband knows that he is loved and cherished and respected and forgiven…and it really just ticks me off for every single OW leaving comments to badmouth the wife….someone they don’t know, someone they disrespected (yeah, I know…you didn’t make the vow, he did…yeah, I get it! You didn’t break a vow, but you greatly disrespected another woman, the sanctity of the marital relationship….and you did the biggest disservice to yourself!), someone who is in JUST AS MUCH FREAKING PAIN as you are…but with more to lose, and more heartache to go through if her whole life is blown out of the water. What happened to sisterhood? I better end this here….I am so pissed.
I really try to live by the sentiments expressed in the Desiderata…I think it is a beautiful and lovely ideal for human behavior. Oh what a world it would be if we could all live in the spirit of ‘love one another’ & “live and let live’ as expressed so beautifully in it’s verses!











