Long Lost Friends and Rose-Colored Glasses
March 23, 2009
No…I didn’t stop blogging. I didn’t die. I did not get abducted by aliens.
I have, however, been kept very busy with a teenage daughter’s senior activities and all the accompanying preparation (and expenses) of her impending high school graduation. I don’t know which has been more depleted…my energy or the checking account!
I also have that friend I mentioned before…you know, the one whose husband is cheating on her. With someone he met online. She wants to save her marriage, and she seems to feel I can expertly guide her into that happening. NOT! Even with all the similarities that appear to go with the ‘affair script’ that the ones who stray seem to follow…there are differences that will ultimately affect the outcome. Just because my husband decided he wanted the marriage, doesn’t mean her husband will. And, oh, how she has those famous rose-colored glasses strapped on tight. She wants to believe he hasn’t been physically unfaithful….yet he’s been to New Orleans twice to meet the ow. She installed a keylogger on his computer…so she knows they talk of marriage, beach weddings, blah, blah, blah. I’m trying so hard to keep her from falling apart, without instilling any false hope. Sigh.
On a happier note…I heard from a good friend (used to be my bff) that I haven’t seen in several years today. It’s a long story…this friend was one of the most independent, tenacious women I’ve ever known. She completed her Master’s Degree while having two children, dealing with a complicated husband, and still finding time to be a good friend to me during a very bad time in my life. Then….. I stopped hearing from her, I heard rumors of the addiction…multiple personalities….running from the FBI. I felt like I was hearing things about a stranger…or tales from the Twilight Zone. I got an email and a cryptic phone call from her husband in 2004…and that’s the last I heard from her.
My daughter and I found her son on Facebook…he was thrilled to hear from L, told her how much his mom missed me…and I got an email from my friend today! She will be in town this week. We are making plans to see each other…I’m excited…and terribly anxious! I remember the woman I used to know and still love…. is she still going to be that woman?
Other than that…we’ve been doing heavy-duty spring cleaning, getting the garden ready for planting, working on the flowerbeds. Just life, ya know? And you?
oh no! not college… i keep warning my students who are juniors to start thinking about how to financially provide for college. i think most of them are lost. i know you mentioned your daughter will move out- is she leaving town, too?
you are very kind to help your friend… not that they seem to be, but dont let her current conflict stir up the issues youve already dealt with! and you are so right… you and i may be experts in affairs, but they are all so different. mainly because they are so complicated by details. however, if i could give advice to your friend- he WAS physically unfaithful… as you know, it drives me nuts that R has sold yet another affair to her as purely emotional. Also, as we both know, someone could talk marriage, leaving their wife, etc… but that doesnt seem to happen as often as you think. so i think your friend may have a chance… but you can always reassure her that if he does leave her- he will probably ditch the other woman, too, at some point.
how sad about your friend with the meth problem! i hope it all goes well and you have a nice time with her. one thing that not having R in my life has provided me is a chance to catch up with people that i didnt make time for because i was constantly arranging my schedule based on him… and reconnecting with those friends have been great… so i hope the same for you!
ps- im so jealous that you are able to get the garden ready… its still cold and there is always the chance of snow still where i am. but im itching to get outside!
Like you, I fear that your friend (the first one mentioned) is deluding herself that has husband hasn’t slept with his OW. If it hasn’t happened, it will happen. We both know that. Let’s just hope her husband isn’t “love drunk” on this other woman, the way I was. THAT’S when wives need to worry.
By the way, I’ve wanted to say this to you: Your husband is soooo fortunate you are taking him back. Giving him a chance. You sound like a person who sees the affair for what it is, or what it was. Nothing more. Nothing less. Just a big bad mistake. My wife acts like I’m the only guy in the world who’s ever done this. She is unable to process what happened, and start the process of healing and forgiving. Sucks for me.
Oh, and I meant to say, I, too, am a year away from this college stuff. I fear it with every last penny in my pocket! Good luck on that, T!